Aired: November 18, 2009 — Topic: War

WAR- WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? POPULATION CONTROL!

Hello Rant-Heads! Here’s another gem from the think tank!

Y’know, I was thinking the other day- in the last century, a lot of people were killed in wars. 16 million died in World War I, an estimated 60 million died in World War II, and so on since then. My thoughts?

Good.

NOW NOW- listen, hear me out.

If JUST from the two World Wars, thats 76 million people not populating the planet. Then, you add to the fact that all those people would have undoubtedly had children, and their children would have had children… you see where I’m getting at? Now if World War I &II hadn’t happened, how many people would be on this planet now? Currently, the estimate of how many of *us* are on the planet at this moment are 6.795 billion. That’s a lot of people. Now add to that number all the Millions of people that would have NOT died had peace reigned through the last century. Then add all the people THOSE people would have made. And so on. Scary, isn’t it?

AND DO NOT GIVE ME ANY SHIT ABOUT POPULATION CONTROL THROUGH CONTRACEPTIVES. Yeah, a lot of people do use it- but even MORE people don’t use it. Think about it- how many times have you walked through a super-market and seen a mother toting around two or three kids, and have another one in the oven? Quite a bit, am I right? This is another Rant all on it’s own kids, so we’ll move on up by saying it ain’t fucking working.

My proposal?

Let’s start settling some fucking scores.

First off- finish Afghanistan and Iraq ONCE AND FOR ALL. I don’t even know why we are bothering to fight over a giant sand box, but whatever. Then- VIETNAM. Surprise the FUCK out of those people. “You come make movie?” Not this time, Charlie- we want revenge for you guys being dicks. Then, Korea. Settle that dispute between North and South really damn fast- and brutally.

Then, let’s Conquer Canada! Come on- it’s not like anyone would miss those boring ass mother-fuckers. Let’s take them over, and then Canada will become Americanada! And we can all be proud of hockey, and other Canadian-type things… Hey, maybe French will become our second language instead of Spanish!

Then, all the infighting in Africa? All the genocides? Let’s step up to the plate and flatten the shit outta that miserable continent. Take it over, and give those people something to fucking do, like rebuild and become civilized people, instead of run around like monkey’s with automatic weapons.

But most importantly? Let’s clean up AMERICA. Seriously. Declare widespread war on organized crime. Make an express lane in Death Row. Clean out the freaking jails. Put these useless sacks of shit ::transients, hobos, bums, what have you:: to fucking work. There’s a lot of it to be done. While I’m at it- let’s declare war on Wal Mart. Honestly- that place sucks ass. And I honestly don’t think anyone would miss it either.

“Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn’t solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst.”

“And force my friends is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived.”

Well, that wraps up this issue of Rants! Watch this space for more from your resident angry guy, ME!

Rant List 515 Comics