Aired: February 25, 2009 — Topic: Food

PREVIOUSLY ON…

Welcome back 515er’s! It’s me, your friendly neighborhood grump! Hopefully, you all enjoyed our FIRST installment of “RANT”, and hopefully you’ll enjoy today’s installment- FOOD!

Ah yes- Food! Nutrition! Tastes good! I quite frankly love food. If it were a woman, I’d marry it, and have eight kids with it, I ‘d love it that much. Food in all shapes and sizes- burgers, pizza, lasagna, spaghetti, roast beef, mashed potatoes, corn, peas, strawberries- I could go on. But there are different types of food. Not just a difference between ice cream and cereal. No. I’m talking between “Fast Food”, “Gourmet”, and “Homemade”. And in my usual customary way, I breaks it down for you.

FAST FOOD- Many people upturn their nose at fast food. Why this is, I’ll never understand. Apparently, it’s “BAD” for you. OF COURSE ITS BAD, IF THAT’S ALL YOU EAT!!! Anything in huge proportions is bad for you- drink too much water and you can drown yourself. Do too many drugs and you can O.D.. Have too much sex, and she’ll get knocked up. See the pattern here? Now, eating burgers or pizza from a chain once a day is bad. Once a week and your doing really damn good! As for more than once a week- space it out and you should be fine. I’m not gonna tell you where to eat- that’s for you to find out, because your tastes differ from mine- but I can advise you to try many different places out. If someone asks you to go to lunch with them and such-n-such place, then go for it! You never know- you might love it or hate it. But you will know, reader! YOU WILL KNOW. And the more you know…

GOURMET- gourmet is similar to fast food in that, you don’t cook it. You pay a food chain to cook it for you. HOWEVER- the big differences are cost, and speed. You see, Gourmets are the “get dressed up, drive all the way across town to a big fancy spot, go in, wait for a table, sit down, order your food, wait 30 minutes for it to get to your table, eat this scrum-diddly-umptious food, and then almost have an aneurysm when you look at the bill,” sort of place. They usually make the plate- and food- look like a work of art, to the point where you almost feel bad eating the stuff. Some places are so hip, they cook the food right in front of you, flipping it this way and that, juggling your food around for everyone’s amusement. These places are all well and good… except for the bill! “32 Dollars for a steak when I could have gotten it at a grocery store for a fraction of the cost and cooked it myself?!” Yep. Now, the thing one has to put into perspective, is usually you don’t go alone- and, usually, you would go to a place like this for a special occasion. A birthday, a first date, what have you. These places are great fun when you go with friends, and, even better if you only go there once every 4-6 months. Again, as before, branch out. Try out all the different spots in town. You may be surprised at what you find, and who knows? You could maybe find a place where the service is just as good, but the price is more affordable!

HOMEMADE- my favorite! There is nothing like a homemade meal in my opinion. Whether mom makes it for you when you’re visiting her, or if you make it yourself, homemade is good anytime. From a sandwich with Kool-Aid, to mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, and roast beef, you’re sure to get a meal that is satisfying. It isn’t excruciatingly hard to make as long as you plan well, it tastes great, and, it’s cheap as hell when you buy it at the grocery store. Even homemade burgers and fries are better than fast food and gourmet! I make a mean thickburger out of Angus Beef, drizzled with provolone, cheddar, or Monterey jack. Mmm…. Tasty! And, truth be told, it’s probably better for you! And you really do savor the meal a lot more when you worked hard for it. HOMEMADE ALL THE WAY!

Well, folks, that wraps up today’s Rant. I hope you enjoyed it. Tune in next time for a review of a videogame I just beat! I’ll give you a hint… those Super Mutants and Feral Ghouls never had a chance!

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